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[20 Apr 2005|11:34pm] "when we were carefree" i thought that today was going to be an umbrelladay. i think i'm going through one of these weird, iffy peroids. maybe i just drank too much coffee today. somedays i just want to have fun & do all that stuff that irresponsible kids do. i want to live in my own place and stay up too late when i have to get up too early and always be tired and always be happy. maybe i'm just making this all up.  all at the same time i want to be young, unpredictable, fun, and adventurous, and be settled, relaxed, confident, and child bearing. maybe all of those aren't the best words. they came first though. terry & i are meeting tomorrow to work on a&p. i don't think we will ever get anywhere. this is okay though. it seems like it used to be easy to be carefree. and now it seems impossible. my stomachus is upset, but i'm looking on the bright side. i think it's that i know i can never feel like i used to & somedays i'm glad for it, but somedays i miss feeling it [remember being invincible?]. maybe i just need to cut off all of my hair and dye it. maybe i just need to buy a digital camera. maybe maybe maybe. i like her hair... post comment

capri [21 Mar 2005|11:54pm] been there. wish i was here. i want to go to europe again right now. post comment

[17 Mar 2005|01:31am] 4 comments|post comment

[24 Feb 2005|09:27pm] somedays i wish that i didn't have a uterus. today is one of those days. cramps cramps cramps. oh uterus, please stop contracting & being mean to my poor self. 1 comment|post comment

[13 Feb 2005|09:25pm] I think that this summer i would really like to just do some traveling. i want to stay in hostels and just have some adventurous times. Boy, it's been awhile since i was here... but it is an umbrelladay today. :] post comment

[28 Oct 2004|10:04am] [it's funny, i think juice is who i really am, the problem avoider, the procrasinator, mood swinging, axiety-filled, girl. but jessica who i'd like to be, the very conservative, on her toes girl, who does things right, living on a farm, homeschooling her children, without any worries.] 4 comments|post comment

it's been awhile [28 Jun 2004|04:24pm] i woke up over three hours ago and i have barely moved. barely. i have to work in less than an hour. all i can think about is chicago. why why why? after next year, many of my friends will be moving away to grad school. maybe ishould move too. but to chicago. i'm really thinking that i want to major in actuarial science now. and minor in psych, maybe. because i want to get my four years over and done with, and get a successful job, and then MAYBE go to grad/med school. why do i spend all of the present fretting over the future? gah, i really want to get a place of my own. now. someone, live with me. 1 comment|post comment

[01 Dec 2003|12:06am] sometimes i feel so out of place. and there's no way to fix it. today is the end of everything. post comment

[04 Oct 2003|09:27am] sometimes i just hate so much about myself, that i don't know what to think. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Aug 2003|03:10pm] the secret lies not in wanting what you don't have, but in wanting what you already have. 1 comment|post comment

[21 Aug 2003|10:33pm] Protector The ULTIMATE personality test brought to you by Quizilla i'm avoiding post comment

[06 Aug 2003|01:32am] i hear what i want to hear and that's the problem. 3 comments|post comment

[26 Jul 2003|07:57am] Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go post comment

[24 Jun 2003|01:34am] i've isolated myself from most everyone except everyone i see everyday. it seems that this isolation is well, needed or not, but it's too late, and once i've crossed to isolation of self, which the cross came sudden, it is too late, not bad too late, it's just too late, isolation. isolation. isolation. oh, how i love thee. not, do. 1 comment|post comment

[15 Jun 2003|11:57pm] i am a bad person and that's just the way it is. i'm not the person i used to be, but i am, but i am not. 1 comment|post comment

[07 Jun 2003|06:24pm] sometimes it seems like the effort i have to put forth to talk isn't worth the words i say. and so; i don't. post comment

[02 Jun 2003|01:38pm] i'm counting the hours.... it's been 40. destroy destroy. post comment

[01 Jun 2003|11:33am] i can tell people i don't know well because i know that their opinions phase me, but not as much. i don't ahve to worry about them caring. i don't want people to care. i just want to be whole. post comment

[15 May 2003|04:14pm] it seems like sometimes others demand so much attention from me, that when it's all said and done, and i need to give myself attention, i have none left to give, i'm emotionally worn out. i think that's why i am where i am. i care too much. that's why i'm trying to stop. it's a horrible addiction. 1 comment|post comment

together we will make it through [16 Apr 2003|01:10am] [ mood | DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ] [ music | calcium is important ] in the same breath i can see myself settled at the age of 30 with a house and spouse and kids on the way, financially supported. and then i can also see myself as a free wondering soul, seizing the day everyday, moving constantly just to meet new people, experience life, and enjoy myself. i can see myself as never growing up and living to live, but at the same time i can see myself as the posterboard american. i dont' know which i will be, and i don't know which i want, or which i can see myself as. what do you think.? 1 comment|post comment

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